Further Proof I’m a Goddess, the Meaning of Life, plus a Rather Disturbing Discovery …

As if being born on the shortest day of the year and turning 45 at the putative end-of-the-world in 2012 weren’t enough, I do have further evidence of my possibly divine status/birthright to guru-dom.

Namely, my immaculate conception.

Even having been born in the late 60’s and being a child of the 70’s, I wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box when it came to sex.  When it finally dawned on me one day as a tween sitting in the kitchen staring at the date on my parents’ rosemaling embellished anniversary plate, it took me a couple of hours to get up the nerve to ask: “Mom, how many months does a pregnancy last?”

Because even counting three times, I was quite certain there were only six months between my parents’ wedding date and my own birth.

My parents were high school sweethearts and I was born during Dad’s final year of college.  Hardly scandalous material even back then. And I certainly don’t mean to disparage my parents in any way, as their generation shows far more loyalty, resilience, and just plain decency than my own.  My parents lived through Dad’s service in the Vietnam War and went on to have three more kids after me.  They have been married forever now, and from what I can gather, Dad still thinks Mom is groovier than Marcia Brady and foxier than any Bond girl of any decade.

Raquel Welch & Ursula Andress

how I imagine Dad must view Mom …

Which is why I still have just a wee bit of trouble believing Mom’s story:

“We just must have been hyper fertile.  I swear we didn’t even have sex.  Your father just got a little too close one night … of course we waited until after we were married to try it again.”

Did I mention my parents were born the same year Bill Clinton was? (Maybe their generation has a slightly more narrow view of what constitutes sex?  And if two decades make that much difference, I wonder how the meaning of “virgin” might have evolved over 2000+ years?)

But on second thought, I do believe Mom.

It wasn’t my parents’ fault.

I simply wanted to be born too badly.   I was in a hurry.

And now that I have just 135 days left until the End-of-the-World, I feel more panicked than ever to squeeze everything I possibly can into life.

Which reminds me that I promised to reveal nothing less than the Meaning of Life in this post.  Being the immaculately conceived Guru-Goddess that I am, I am unabashed by this challenge and will simply do what all the other gurus do. 

I will borrow someone else’s thoughts on this.  Here goes …

The purpose of life is:

“To be the eyes and ears and conscience of the Creator of the Universe, you fool.”

— Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions.

I don’t remember much about Vonnegut’s novel (apart from loving everything the man has ever written), but find his theory amazingly comforting.  The longer I go without working a “real” job, the more material I need to rationalize my hope that writing (“being the eyes and ears of the universe”) may, in fact, be all that is required of us.

But if simply observing the world is what we’re here for, I just realized I will never meet a guru who possesses more wisdom than my cat:

Boris the Buddha

Boris the Buddha …

I don’t know about you, but I find this slightly disturbing … my cat charges less than $2 per day (two cans of Fancy Feast plus all the premium kibble he can eat).  How will I ever make a living as a Goddess?


What about you?  What are your experiences with Gurus?  Spill everything: the good, the bad, and the ugly … maybe I can even convince Boris to impart some of his wisdom in a reply if you have Pounce treats.

4 thoughts on “Further Proof I’m a Goddess, the Meaning of Life, plus a Rather Disturbing Discovery …

  1. My uncle had a guru. Maybe you know about the guy. His name was Albert Rudolph. People called him Rudi. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Rudolph) He is the namesake of the “Rudi’s” breads that you see at places like Whole Foods. Anyway, he died in a plane crash and people still wanted to have an ashram anyway. So, my uncle was the construction guy for the Shoshoni Yoga Retreat (http://www.shoshoni.org/). Rooms start at like $180 per night, just to be ignored, etc… He moved to Grand Junction and started the Heart’s Path Meditation School. As in, you know, what is in your own heart.

    It seems like Rudi was a good teacher though. His books are online, albeit in poorly transcribed form, um, here’s the first one: http://www.internetyoga.com/spiritCannibal/index.htm

    My grandmother spent the year of 1971 in India. She has books by this guy, Ajit Mookerjee, who was an academic that studied kundalini in a non-dogma kind of a way. I like his writing. Also, there is another writer, Agehananda Bharati, that compares tantric Indian and Buddhist traditions in his books. That is pretty cool stuff too.

    I’m always looking for teachers, but none seem to last. School worked because I only had to accept a guru for like 4 months and then I could just admit they were false …



    PS Here is a sample introduction thing from an old, out of print art compilation / philosophy Mookerjee book:

    By Ajit Mookerjee — “The woman you love, you must not possess.”

    Goddess Basholi

    To attain the state of perfect bliss is the ultimate aim of Tantra. Our ordinary pleasure experiences are of an extremely limited nature-they afford but fleeting glimpses of supreme joy-and this ephemeral quality will always send us back to a gross plane, preventing the advance towards self-realization.

    Tantra asana is one of the means of this realization. The asanas, the science of psycho-yogic poses, are based upon the conception of the universe and of man’s role in it. To become aware of one’s own incredible potential, to realize and experience joy in being one with the cosmos-this is the fulfillment of asana.

    It is a yogic practice of transcending the human condition. Tantra itself is unique for being a synthesis of bhoga and yoga, enjoyment and liberation. There is no place for renunciation or denial in Tantra. Instead, we must involve ourselves in all the life processes which surround us. The spiritual is not something that descends from above, rather it is an illumination that is to be discovered within.

    Also fundamental in Tantrism is the notion of identity of the human body (anda, the power that binds the matter), the microcosm, with the universe or macrocosm (brohmananda). Tantra holds that the body is the abode of truth, the epitome of the universe; and so man contains within himself, the truth of the whole cosmos. Therefore, the body, with its physiological and physical processes, becomes the perfect medium (yantra) to attain truth. “He who realizes the truth of the body can then come to know the truth of the universe,” says Ratnasara.

    The creative process according to Tantrism.

    Tantra asana is a method used to unite the individual self (Atman) with the Absolute Infinite (Brahman) in the cosmic-conscious state known as samadhi. Here there is only Pure Existence, Siva-Sakti, where the formed and formless are unified and merged. It is the state of Sat-Chit-Ananda, that is, Pure Existence-Consciousness-Bliss.

    Before creation there was unity. Creation disrupted this unity and gave rise to multiplicity. Only through a return to the primal unity can one know the freedom of the Absolute. And to attain this freedom, we must integrate the principle of male-female. Whether achieved within one’s own body, or through the union of two bodies, the goal is always the reunification of the two principles. Man and woman are the mould of ultimate expression: the one which becomes two constantly aspires to become one again.

    In the beginning there is the One-that infinite existence which transcends all states. In Pure Existence is Sakti, omnipotent, and Sabda (inaudible form of cosmic sound), omnipresent. From sound as the basis of creation, Bindu (point-limit) appeared. In this infinitely vast inner space, all times-past, present, and future-are contracted into Bindu: two Bindus as the state of creation (srishti), three Bindus as the state of continuance (sthiti) and the return to one Bindu as the state of absorption (laya) are condensed in a dot. It is the immovable center around which the manifest world gravitates.

    The center is Adya-Sakti, Kali, the Black One, with her three gunas (qualities), Sattva (essence), Rajas (activity), and Tamas (inertia) remaining in equilibrium. She is the Mother of Time for in Time (Kala) everything exists, is sustained and dissolves. Hence time to Tantrics is not continuous, but is repeatedly coming to an end to begin its cycle once again. Kali is dense darkness, the most intensely concentrated (ghanibhuta) light, one that is not vibrant, a background against which phenomenal light-forms become visible. She is the Mother-principle which governs the unfolding of the life process. When Sakti opens herself, the universe comes to be and when she closes, the universe dissolves. For, “I am, out of me all things originate,” and, “into me all are withdrawn.” Thus the cosmic Mother-principle is manifest even on our scale of being. Just as the human foetus is surrounded by a life giving fluid, so it is with Brahmananda. The Cosmic Egg is placed in an infinite ocean of energy or Universal Rita from which the life-principle is sustained.

    In the equilibrium of Sakti’s three gunas, a throbbing tension arose, a spontaneous vibration so great that it agitated Sattva, Rajas, and Tamas. Sattva is the illuminating force which releases consciousness, Rajas is the activity of attraction or repulsion, and Tamas is inactivity, the heaviest of the gunas, a state of condensation of energy in matter.

    Rajas breaks the harmony as the trilogy becomes energized for the sake of creation. Dynamic forces are released stirring all latent existence in Brahmananda, the embryonic state of the universe.

    The nature of this agitation is the process of contraction and expansion in which the encircling space and non-space, lokaloka, are manifest. These are the basis of creation, from the invisible atom to the vastness of the universe from the microscopic cell to the fully developed organism.

    A study in Tantric physiology.

    In the human body, there are several energy centers containing latent psychic powers. These are called chakras. If activated, they hold potential for reaching cosmic planes of awareness. They can be portals into a new existence and the realization of inherent powers.

    The six main chakras of the human body are the Muladhara Chakra (at the base of the spine), Svahisthana (near the generative organ), Manipura (near the navel), Anahata (near the heart), Visuddha (near the throat) and Ajna (between the brows). A seventh chakra, situated four fingers above the cerebrum, is Sahasrara, symbolically represented by the thousand-petalled lotus. Sahasrara is said to be the abode of Siva, cosmic consciousness, and Muladhara the seat of Sakti, whose form is that of a cosmic force known as Kundalini. Ultimately, Tantra asana aims to arouse the Kundalini Sakti to unite with Siva, realizing the highest, most intense joy-mahasukha.

    The human body also contains five sheaths or koshas. According to Tantra, only one third of the human body is in evidence-the rest is invisble. The five sheaths are: (1) Anna-maya, (2) Prana-maya, (3) Mano-maya, (4) Vijnana-maya, (5) Ananda-maya. The physical sheath of the body is called the Anna-maya kosha, with earth, water and fire elements having their functions in the Muladhara, Svadhisthana and Manipura chakras.

    Prana-maya is the sheath of the vital air. It holds the life-force. Prana, which expresses itself in the form of air and space. These elements control the Anahata and Visuddha psychic centers.

    Mano-maya and Vijnana-maya koshas are identified with the cognitive principle; the Ajna chakra is their center. When it is revealed, one gets the inner vision, a simultaneous knowledge of things as they really are and the third eye opens in the center of the forehead.

    All the six centers (sat-chakras) are located within the Meru-danda (the vertebral column) not in the gross (sthula-sharira) but in the subtle body (linga-sharira). As repositories of psychic energies, they govern the whole condition of being. However, in man’s normal state, these charkas are dormant.

    Through planned meditative asanas, Kundalini Sakti, the great power within the human body, usually latent, is awakened. This force is compared to a snake lying asleep in the subtle body. Once released form Muladhara Chakra, she uncoils herself and begins to rise upward, breaking open and transforming each energy center as she ascends until Sakti enters the magnetic sphere of Siva-consciousness.
    In yogic practice, discipline of breathing is absolutely essential. Prana, the life-force, or vital air, enters the human entity through these psychic centers and nadis (channels in the subtle body), diffusing throughout according to different functions. These are known as vayus (vital airs) which are important to the Tantric practitioner.

    • Wow! Thank you for the primer on Tantric philosophy, Nathan. Even though I tend towards the sarcastic (as I suspect your commentary on college “gurus” leans), there are certainly plenty of people who have wisdom to impart to us. The challenge (and the fun!) lies in discovering which voices speak most truly to us. Namaste … Kate

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